Only Way
by FearlessTiger
Summary: When we and our loved ones make mistakes that could change our future forever, sometimes the only way to express our feelings is through the strangest and most hopeless way, but we still need to do it.


Only Way

A.N.: Well, hi! So, um, here I am, with this little oneshot I wrote since I had nothing else to do (cause, y'know, I'm not gonna update JTT until I get a few more reviews! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not begging for reviews, but your reviews have given me a lot of great ideas to write and besides, I can't know what you think with one review per chapter) so, yeah. I thought of doing an angsty one again, this time for Po (did Tigress, did Shen, how can we forget the Dragon Warrior, right? ^^). And I'm warning you, it's angst ALL ALONG. So don't sue me for making you cry. xD Ah, also, it's written from Po's point of view. And forgive me for the ''plot'' I cooked up for Tigress, I just couldn't think of anything else. You'll see what I mean. And maybe I'll do this from her point of view one day. MAYBE. :3

Disclaimer: I.. Don't... Own... KFP... *KFP producers come to freaking Romania and look at me* You don't say?

Seriously now, I don't see why we need to post that on EVERY story... -.- But whatever, just enjoy, cause I promise to shut up now! XD

**Only Way**

Thoroughly exhausted after the busy day, I make my way through the Palace corridors I have come to know so well. I guess I, and everyone else, for that matter, have stopped caring about the noises I make when I walk. And even if they did, I really don't care.

The day is over, so it means I won't have my friends to distract me from my inner thoughts, yet I don't have to wear the emotional mask anymore. Either way, nights have become hard to go through for me.

I close the door to my room a little harshly and open the windows. Suddenly, my head feels too heavy for my neck to bear and it falls forward, pulling half of my body with it. To avoid losing my balance, I put my hands on my knees, yet I do sit down after a few seconds.

At least the air is refreshing. It's chilly, but that is exactly what I need now. Faking emotions that were once genuine can be pretty tough sometimes and I need a break from time to time.

Finally, I dare to look up at the night sky and notice the multitude of stars above. I frown as a bitter memory makes its way into my brain. I remember how I used to watch the stars and smile, knowing that the love of my life was possibly doing the same thing in her room.

Oh, yes, I loved Master Tigress and I still do, with all my heart. She is everything I ever _needed_. Sometimes I wish I could give back all the things I have just to have her back. Just to hear her talking... No, just to even receive a letter from her, telling me that she is alright.

But I guess our love story is painful and complicated. We've only been together as a couple for a short amount of time, but if I learned anything from those months I spent as her lover, it's that she is someone worth dying for and more.

I was never good with words, or as good as she proved herself to be. I was never able to find the exact words to tell her just how much she means to me, and I regret it. I don't even remember if I thanked her for being so understanding and just for being there whenever I needed her. I don't feel I apologized enough for all the times I made her upset and hurt her feelings.

And one of my biggest regrets... Oh, those hateful words I said to her before she left. Words coming from a broken heart, yes, words that came out with the purpose to hurt. Because I cannot explain myself otherwise. The memory of that black day comes to me in fog. I suppose I wanted to hurt her because her actions and her way of thinking had hurt _me_, and because of how outraged I was on the inside when I found out she blamed _fate_ and _life_ for what was happening.

At the time, I remember thinking that it wasn't _life's_ fault that she didn't control her temper and gave a wolf serious injuries while getting in a fight because of a misunderstanding, it wasn't _life's_ fault that she didn't wait for an explanation, it wasn't _life's_ fault that she decided to act like a coward and run away from the consequences and it wasn't like _life_ stopped her from surrendering!

No, _she_ just wanted to get things done the easy way, to protect her reputation. But I just think she was terrified and panicking and simply _wasn't thinking_. What I think and thought back then as well is that her reputation would alter less if she acted like the Master she is, the _tiger_ she is, and would just surrender and suffer the actually pretty small penalty. I mean, what is so bad about not being able to wear the title of a Master for, what, a year or something? I don't understand. But I guess it's just Tigress and her pride I can't do anything about.

But still... Still. Why would she risk everything just so she could protect her damn reputation? She risked her friends, her Master, she risked _me_... When I thought everything we ever wanted was a life together. Everything we ever _needed_ was a life together, not having to hide from our friends and Master. It's been so hard for me to keep this hidden, especially from Dad, but it's just the difference in rank, she said. I just went along.

And she threw it all away... Just like that. And I don't understand... Was I not worth it? _Am_ I not worth a year or two of altering to her ego? I know it's a selfish thought, but I can't get rid of it... When I know I would jump in front of a cannon for her, I'd go through Hell and back for her... I look up at the sky and I start mumbling.

''Was my love not enough for you? Was _everything_ I could give you not enough to make you stay?''

I know I am a big, fat panda. I know I will never be as good as you are in anything. I know I am probably proving myself to be selfish. But... Didn't you say you loved me?

My thoughts stop thundering into my head for a moment and I relax. But suddenly, I feel a wave of anger and sorrow trying to tear my soul apart and I try to stop myself from sobbing.

Why? Why didn't I tell you all those things when I had the chance? Why didn't I even _try_? Was I that afraid of your rejection? Of your anger? _Was I born such a coward_?

I'm going to start screaming, I feel it, so I quickly grab my pillow and stuff my chubby face into it. As I pray my muffled screams won't make it through the walls in my room, the guilty thoughts seem to not want to leave me alone.

I guess it's my fault. And besides, if I am such a coward, I shouldn't _be_ worth anything, should I? Does that mean God punished me in advance?

Suddenly, I hear footsteps coming nearby and try to stay still.

''Don't make me a liar with how strong I thought you were, Po,'' she had said to me, probably trying to encourage _me_, when I should have been the one encouraging _her_.

I see Master Shifu's form stopping next to my door and I hold my breath. True, if there's something I didn't fail her with, that is our secrecy. Nobody in the Jade Palace even suspected something since she left.

When he walks away, I finally start breathing slowly, even though my lungs are longing for air. I'd rather die suffocated than fail her again.

And she promised me she would do everything in her power to return. Sure, at first I thought she'd just run away for some time, and then either come to her senses and surrender, or get caught. But when she told me she could be hurt or even killed, my brain simply stopped understanding. Understanding why, and also understanding _how_ she expected me to live my life as if she'd never come back.

Like, yeah, sure. The most important person to me goes out there without thinking and I'm supposed to go chasing butterflies. As if I wouldn't worry about her being hurt. As if not even receiving a letter saying ''I'm okay.'' wouldn't feel as a dagger in my heart. As if I could simply sleep at night without worrying about her. As if crazy thoughts like ''She's just had enough of this life and went out there without any thought of coming back'' or ''She was just toying with you and will come back in a few years with someone else saying that she thought you'd moved on'' don't cross my mind.

I did promise her I would live my life. And I am keeping that promise. I'm learning new things, I'm spending time with Dad and my friends... I didn't promise her I'd start over. No, because that would be impossible. After having had her... How could someone ever want someone else?

And I remember how it hurt at first, and still does. I remember how I left her that note saying that I didn't mean anything I told her and that I loved her. I remember how, to this day, I have no idea whether she read it or not. I remember how, after two or three days, I just started feeling empty on the inside.

Because I was harsh. To this day, I can't believe I told her I hated her. I can't believe I told her to get out of my life. I can't believe I told her that I wished we had never met. And as an answer... She told me she would love me forever. I know my heart shattered just then. Some pieces will always be lost in a dark void. Others could only be returned by her.

And I don't even know what I would do if she came back. Would I fall on my knees and beg for forgiveness? Would I be angry with her? Would I simply be happy to finally see her again?

I don't know that, yet I wish she'd give me a sign that she's there. Better yet, I wish she would come back. I wish I had one more moment with her, only one, and it would be enough for me to tell her everything I need her to know. At least I know what I'd say. I would put everything into three words. Those three words I'm longing to say and hear. Those three words that make the night turn into day and pain turn into joy.

I look at the sky again. I wish I could find a way to tell her this... A last hopeless thought crosses my mind. I know it would be impossible, but I just have to do it... I lean in, the cold air making me shiver, and in the darkness of the night, I whisper.

''I love you...''


End file.
